Autobiography:

GILLIAN.
Date of Birth: 01DECEMBER1993
14 going on 15

i'll make a splash in your life.
thats what i do :D
take it or leave it.

i'll blast you off to a world of
insanity in my ever so wonderful,
colourful and fantastic rocketship!

nonsense ends it all

Escapes:
alsofiena alyssa amanda belynda brenda clarissa cuixia huixiu joan joee joelle katherine lijuan michelle miss goh meimei rujun wanning yeeteen yijun

coralband two/five

Credits: un deux trois quatre lyricaltragedy

Radio:

Friday, June 27, 20089:21 PM its friday and i can't even say TGIF
cause i DON'T thank god its friday -.-"
it makes absolute no difference to me.
& i haven't been able to say this line and mean it in ages!
if it isn't band, its tuition.
if it isn't both, there will definately be something.

i'm at the extreme verge of breaking down and i won't even care when i do.
the quote "i wanna stand in the rain cause no one will see me cry"
will not, i repeat WILL NOT be applied here.
i won't care if people see me cry! (like they haven't?)

anyways, when you cry in the rain people still will know
cause you will probably have this "crying face"

i hate this feeling! its damn demoralising!
like the Ensemble session with Mr Wong wasn't demoralising enough -.-"
i know i absolutely hate playing Barbie Girl,
and i know i suck to the core at it.
But, did he really have to shoot me like that?
AND take that piece away after that?
couldn't it like be replaced with an easier score?
(what we should have done right from the beginning)
this feeling is sooooo CRAP.

i'm exhausted and i can't think properly.
i don't mean half the smiles i give and i don't laugh with full intentions.
apologies to my friends for this.
i think i'm pushing my limits way too far.
and even after that, nobody seems satisfied.
(well, maybe some)

i feel so used by my Juniors and they take me too lightly.
what the hell. abuse of my kindness much?
and i only realise this like after 5months!
my juniors don't come just cause they don't feel like it,
and they probably don't think i will punish them cause i usually don't.
They rely on me way too much.
i even got to help photocopy scores for them?
i'm your senior damn it, not your mother!
i'll eventually graduate and you would have to rely on yourself.

even after i've said all this i'll still spoon feed them.
i feel like a total ass and i hate myself for being so nice.
gillian, what the hell are you so stupid?

Art Fest is in 13days, i've yet to perfect ANYTHING.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
Homework is far from piling up, and i have yet to complete most of it.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
Mr Wong probably would have lost all faith in me for future pieces.
stupid. stupid. stupid.
i stubbed my own toe against my own tuba and it bruised now.
stupid. stupid. stupid.

yes, i am that stupid.
so don't be surprised if i actually break down at a totally bad timing
cause my emotions are beyond my control now.
i sound like a total drama queen but i swear to god,
i would be much happier being a drama queen now.

signing off.

Labels: i'm lost in my own life.